Three months later I am sitting in the mountains of British Columbia, huddling under sweatshirts and blankets, reflecting on the last ninety days of my life.
Looking at the pictures, I don't possibly know how to take the events captured on film and put them into words on paper. The emotions wrapped up in those moments overwhelm me before I can accurately express myself. But I am so afraid of losing theses moments in my mind, having them erased and replaced by others. I don't want to forget the names and the faces of Haiti that are etched in my mind and heart, the stories of strength and determination.
But how ... What words do I use?
Three months later, I know that I am tired although tired doesn't seem a strong enough word. Exhausted, being completely worn out or used up, seems a more accurate description of my current state.
Three months later, I know that the person returning to Canada this week is not the same one who ventured to Haiti just after the earthquake hit. Reflecting on my experiences through the camera lens, I find it hard to recognize myself - my skin tones darker and expressions evolved - An outward reflection of some inward change.
Three months later, my life has changed and is changing in remarkable ways. Boarding that small chartered plane in Fort Lauderdale, with a world of unknowns awaiting me in Port au Prince, I could never have imagined what lay ahead. God took my love for this country and it's people, putting it to use serving the Haitians in a practical way, slowly revealing His plans for me there. He held my hand and walked me through a plethora of experiences that have changed and shaped me into the person you'll soon find standing before you. How long she'll be there for, that's hard to say.
Three months later, I have made some wise decisions while others seemed to lack sound judgement. While I'd like to blame it on sleep deprivation, some of the responsibility lies with me. I am, after all, human, complete with all my imperfection.
Three months later, I am feeling rather hesitant and nervous as I venture home. Just as I have changed over the past ninety days, nothing left behind remains unchanged. Life is not static but a fluid motion forward ... And we have no choice but to move with it.
Three months later, I have so much more to say and continue to discover how to share the thoughts and stories of my heart. In the meantime, I thank everyone for their continued love, support and patience with me on this adventure.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Two Months Later ...
Two months later, I find that my trip has extended itself far beyond the original two weeks. As I write this, I am sitting in another part of Port au Prince, acting as the temporary director of a children's rescue centre. While Dorothy, the amazing woman who runs this place, is getting some much needed rest in Florida, I am standing in as her replacement. With 29 kids within these walls and a staff of 10 assisting me, I manage the daily affairs of the house. Everything from washing dishes to running the generator to shopping to managing the health care needs of the kids ... A little bit of everything. And, what an adventure it is. Honestly, had I not spent the last two months working at our little makeshift hospital across town, this new assignment would be totally overwhelming.
Two months later, I have learned to never say "never" with God or in the country of Haiti. For the past few years, I have never had the desire or need to drive in this country and have been content traveling in the passanger seat or back of the truck. However this past week, I had to start driving ... My current job requires that I navigate a truck full of people through various parts of town, which is overwhelming at some moments and hilarious at others. Thankfully, we acquired a chauffeur to do the more extensive driving tasks. But once again, I find myself doing something that I said I would never do ... It is amazing to see how God prepares us for each task He places before us. And, He never gives us more than we can handle ... I just didn't realize I could handle all this.
Two months later, I have traveled through most corners of Port au Prince and have had the opportunity to visit with and serve people in some of the poorest areas of the city. Also, I have had the privilidge of working with a plethora of healthcare professionals from Canada, the US and Haiti, having learned something from every one of them along the way.
Two months later, I find myself craving a Ceasar Salad and an iced tea lemonade. I find myself drinking more soda than my dentist would like or appreciate ... And, I worry that my father will disown me as I am starting to appreciate the taste of Coke over Pepsi. And I still love the Haitian heat; finding air conditioners to be absurdly cold.
Two months later, the thought of saying goodbye to this place gets increasingly more difficult.
Two months later, I have learned to never say "never" with God or in the country of Haiti. For the past few years, I have never had the desire or need to drive in this country and have been content traveling in the passanger seat or back of the truck. However this past week, I had to start driving ... My current job requires that I navigate a truck full of people through various parts of town, which is overwhelming at some moments and hilarious at others. Thankfully, we acquired a chauffeur to do the more extensive driving tasks. But once again, I find myself doing something that I said I would never do ... It is amazing to see how God prepares us for each task He places before us. And, He never gives us more than we can handle ... I just didn't realize I could handle all this.
Two months later, I have traveled through most corners of Port au Prince and have had the opportunity to visit with and serve people in some of the poorest areas of the city. Also, I have had the privilidge of working with a plethora of healthcare professionals from Canada, the US and Haiti, having learned something from every one of them along the way.
Two months later, I find myself craving a Ceasar Salad and an iced tea lemonade. I find myself drinking more soda than my dentist would like or appreciate ... And, I worry that my father will disown me as I am starting to appreciate the taste of Coke over Pepsi. And I still love the Haitian heat; finding air conditioners to be absurdly cold.
Two months later, the thought of saying goodbye to this place gets increasingly more difficult.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Love of My Life ...
One friend asked me what I thought was a crazy question last week while another friend made an unusual observation. Both commented on the appearance of a new love and passion present in my writings home, leading to curiousity of newfound love in my life.
"Did you find some boy in Haiti or something?", one friend asked.
"You sound as though you are in love", another observed.
Another friend wrote with worry, noting that she knew in her heart that I have become "Haitian" in heart and she was not wanting to lose from her Canadian family.
----------------------------------------
Love, defined as a warm attachment, enthusiam or devotion, is hard to explain. It is hard to encapsulate such intense emotions in simple terms. And, it is hard to imagine feeling such depths of emotion as this.
God has given me a very unexpected love in an unimagined package - A small island country with such contradictions within ... A nation so destroyed by its past but so hopeful and determined, a people so poor in finances but rich in spirt and strength.
The greatest love of my life did not arrive in the package of a tall, dark and handsome man OR that of a short, balding and musical man - But in the form of a people and place called Haiti - And they have swept me completely off my feet.
Having experienced crushes, lust and all sorts of desire, but unable to ever admit to finding love, I can now say I have. It is so amazingly incredible - indescribable - which explains why I often have so much trouble writing about this place. I cannot find words BIG enough or great enough to capture my Haiti or the emotions experienced on a daily basis.
As strange as it sounds, I am so thankful for this gift from God. Had I already found love and marriage through all the traditional channels, I know that I would never have found this great love of my life.
A thought which now seems unimaginable.
----------------------------------------
I love the people encountered here on a daily basis, full of an unmatched joy and determination.
I love mangoes, fried plantains, Haitian eggs and rice and beans.
I love the Haitian night - A shade of black that we have never seen in our North American skies - A darkness that can hide a person within it.
And, it's funny how none of that other stuff seems to matter - Rats, Cockroaches, bucket baths and sweltering heat - When you love something so very much.
"Did you find some boy in Haiti or something?", one friend asked.
"You sound as though you are in love", another observed.
Another friend wrote with worry, noting that she knew in her heart that I have become "Haitian" in heart and she was not wanting to lose from her Canadian family.
----------------------------------------
Love, defined as a warm attachment, enthusiam or devotion, is hard to explain. It is hard to encapsulate such intense emotions in simple terms. And, it is hard to imagine feeling such depths of emotion as this.
God has given me a very unexpected love in an unimagined package - A small island country with such contradictions within ... A nation so destroyed by its past but so hopeful and determined, a people so poor in finances but rich in spirt and strength.
The greatest love of my life did not arrive in the package of a tall, dark and handsome man OR that of a short, balding and musical man - But in the form of a people and place called Haiti - And they have swept me completely off my feet.
Having experienced crushes, lust and all sorts of desire, but unable to ever admit to finding love, I can now say I have. It is so amazingly incredible - indescribable - which explains why I often have so much trouble writing about this place. I cannot find words BIG enough or great enough to capture my Haiti or the emotions experienced on a daily basis.
As strange as it sounds, I am so thankful for this gift from God. Had I already found love and marriage through all the traditional channels, I know that I would never have found this great love of my life.
A thought which now seems unimaginable.
----------------------------------------
I love the people encountered here on a daily basis, full of an unmatched joy and determination.
I love mangoes, fried plantains, Haitian eggs and rice and beans.
I love the Haitian night - A shade of black that we have never seen in our North American skies - A darkness that can hide a person within it.
And, it's funny how none of that other stuff seems to matter - Rats, Cockroaches, bucket baths and sweltering heat - When you love something so very much.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
One Month Later ...
So, I thought that it might be about time to let everyone know exactly what it is I am doing down here ... I imagine that some of you have painted some colorful pictures of what you THINK I am doing and I would love to enlighten you on the subject.
First let me describe it according to our North American idea of healthcare ... So, I am currently the charge nurse/nurse manager of a 30+ inpatient ward of a rural hospital. Our focus tends to be a combination of ortho/plastics/pediatrics. Most of our patients have come from major trauma centres or surgical hospitals and they are recovering with us. Disharge planning is a challenge as most have no home to return to and there are no longterm care or rehab facilities.
Currently, we are also seeing an influx of medical patients suffering from various illness and infection.
Our staff includes eight nurses, two physicians, a physiotherapist, an ortho PA, a pharmacist, two midwives and a paramedic/EMT team. We also have tonnes of support staff.
We do have a small ER/Outpatient Clinic which specializes in all sorts of acute and chronic complex wound care. One of my other roles includes triaging the flood of patients we get coming to clinic each day. The minor cases get seen my our in-house doctors and PA, but the major cases get shipped to the surgical or trauma centres once stabilized. Just recently we have had some gun shot wounds, motorcycle accidents and edical emergencies.
We have one ambulance that works in the communities of lower economic status, doing dressing changes in the field and bringing the acute or trauma cases into the clinic.
Now, do you want the Haitian twist on the reality you know and recognize?
The hospital is housed in what used to be an old boys home. None of the patients will sleep inside due to fear of more earthquakes. So, we have 32 patients housed in the courtyard under tarps. The two critical patients are in the front foyer of the building, closest to the nurses station. If it rains, half the patients come indoors.
As a nurse here, various tasks have included IV push antibiotics, gravity nitro drip infusion with no monitor, patient transfers and/or transport, preparing baby formula, various wound care with and without ketamine sedation, and pain management.
Our nurses station is a table covered in papers. We don' have enough pens, paper or charts do work successfully. We are recycling med cups because we ran out. Our narcotic cupboard has a lock but no key. Our med fridge contains medications, baby formula, soda, beer and trail mix.
The "ambulance" is actually a large truck with a cage on the back for safety. It seats at least twenty people. But, there are no flashing lights or emergent paraphenalia. And, no one gets out of the way when we have an emergency.
Our wound care/examination tables are old picnic tables propped on saw horses. They are using honey with the skin grafts for its antimicrobial properties.
We have two blood pressure cuffs, one oxymeter, 30 glucoscan strips left ... We have very creative, but limited ways to stabilize any patient that presents with problems related to these investigations.
We have no crash cart, but have a few crash cart meds in a box on the top shelf.
Our power is supplied by generator and invertor, so we go without if either source fails.
There are church services on the ward every morning and night, sometimes lasting five hours.
Each and every day, it is my pleasure, joy and honor to come and aid these patients in the healing process. Their smiles and joy is inspiring. Hearing the patients greet me when I walk through the gate is wonderful. The way they say my name is special, pronouncing every letter. Laughing and playing with the kids is wonderful, seeming less like work and more like play.
Most days this doesn't seem like work to me, but a gift from God. How amazing that He gives us the desires of our heart and that as we pursue them, He fills our days with joy. What a great God is He.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unbelievably, a month has already passed me by as I work here in Haiti ... And as the need for nurses remains great, I have commited to staying for another month. Then, I will be helping out with another mission in Port au Prince for a few weeks before going to the northern part of the country to work with the surgical team. That would put me to return home towards the end of April or beginning of May.
First let me describe it according to our North American idea of healthcare ... So, I am currently the charge nurse/nurse manager of a 30+ inpatient ward of a rural hospital. Our focus tends to be a combination of ortho/plastics/pediatrics. Most of our patients have come from major trauma centres or surgical hospitals and they are recovering with us. Disharge planning is a challenge as most have no home to return to and there are no longterm care or rehab facilities.
Currently, we are also seeing an influx of medical patients suffering from various illness and infection.
Our staff includes eight nurses, two physicians, a physiotherapist, an ortho PA, a pharmacist, two midwives and a paramedic/EMT team. We also have tonnes of support staff.
We do have a small ER/Outpatient Clinic which specializes in all sorts of acute and chronic complex wound care. One of my other roles includes triaging the flood of patients we get coming to clinic each day. The minor cases get seen my our in-house doctors and PA, but the major cases get shipped to the surgical or trauma centres once stabilized. Just recently we have had some gun shot wounds, motorcycle accidents and edical emergencies.
We have one ambulance that works in the communities of lower economic status, doing dressing changes in the field and bringing the acute or trauma cases into the clinic.
Now, do you want the Haitian twist on the reality you know and recognize?
The hospital is housed in what used to be an old boys home. None of the patients will sleep inside due to fear of more earthquakes. So, we have 32 patients housed in the courtyard under tarps. The two critical patients are in the front foyer of the building, closest to the nurses station. If it rains, half the patients come indoors.
As a nurse here, various tasks have included IV push antibiotics, gravity nitro drip infusion with no monitor, patient transfers and/or transport, preparing baby formula, various wound care with and without ketamine sedation, and pain management.
Our nurses station is a table covered in papers. We don' have enough pens, paper or charts do work successfully. We are recycling med cups because we ran out. Our narcotic cupboard has a lock but no key. Our med fridge contains medications, baby formula, soda, beer and trail mix.
The "ambulance" is actually a large truck with a cage on the back for safety. It seats at least twenty people. But, there are no flashing lights or emergent paraphenalia. And, no one gets out of the way when we have an emergency.
Our wound care/examination tables are old picnic tables propped on saw horses. They are using honey with the skin grafts for its antimicrobial properties.
We have two blood pressure cuffs, one oxymeter, 30 glucoscan strips left ... We have very creative, but limited ways to stabilize any patient that presents with problems related to these investigations.
We have no crash cart, but have a few crash cart meds in a box on the top shelf.
Our power is supplied by generator and invertor, so we go without if either source fails.
There are church services on the ward every morning and night, sometimes lasting five hours.
Each and every day, it is my pleasure, joy and honor to come and aid these patients in the healing process. Their smiles and joy is inspiring. Hearing the patients greet me when I walk through the gate is wonderful. The way they say my name is special, pronouncing every letter. Laughing and playing with the kids is wonderful, seeming less like work and more like play.
Most days this doesn't seem like work to me, but a gift from God. How amazing that He gives us the desires of our heart and that as we pursue them, He fills our days with joy. What a great God is He.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unbelievably, a month has already passed me by as I work here in Haiti ... And as the need for nurses remains great, I have commited to staying for another month. Then, I will be helping out with another mission in Port au Prince for a few weeks before going to the northern part of the country to work with the surgical team. That would put me to return home towards the end of April or beginning of May.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
First Thoughts
Currently, I am finishing up my fourth nightshift this week at our makeshift hospital. The boys who once lived here were sent to the US after the earthquake. All of the adoptions were in the process of completion, so the boys all went to their new families. Instead, there are 30 inpatients ranging in age from 3 days to 70 years, laying on an assortment of cots in the yard. They are all so very afraid to come indoors. Lots of broken bones and wound care along with some medical needs such as malaria and malnutrition. Most have infection and are on IV antibiotics. There are a few small amputations, some skin grafts and external fixators. We even have a young lady with CHF. We can monitor vital signs occassionally or check lab work but have limited means to solve any crisis. Half of our patients would be in the ICU or other specially monitored beds. So many ortho patients, learning to use walkers or crutches. Thankfully, we have PT this week but he goes home on Friday.
There are many other makeshift hospitals throughout the city and we all play 'tradsies' with drugs, supplies and patients. Plastics team here, ortho surgeons there, trauma centre in the field of the hospital.
There are moments where it all seems so surreal.
I am working with a great team of doctors, nurses and paramedics from the US. Being the only Canadian, they like to tease me often. The regular missionary staff, who have lived here for quite some time, have been great. I am staying with Don, whose family went home just after the quake. He has been here, driving the makeshift ambulance since then. He has opened his home to us ... And, I owe this family a huge care package in the future.
Hmm, I haven't talked about myself much ... But I am okay. Overwhelmed at times, tired at others. However, I am honored to be able to come and serve as the hands and feet of Jesus. I need to sleep more. Pray too. But, no complaints.
As I am unable to get on our last chartered flight home, I am not sure how this is going to work. Really, I could stay indefinitely as there is no shortage of tasks to do or people to help.
Well, the 4 am preacher just started. Perhaps I'll see what he has to say on his loudspeaker this morning.
There are many other makeshift hospitals throughout the city and we all play 'tradsies' with drugs, supplies and patients. Plastics team here, ortho surgeons there, trauma centre in the field of the hospital.
There are moments where it all seems so surreal.
I am working with a great team of doctors, nurses and paramedics from the US. Being the only Canadian, they like to tease me often. The regular missionary staff, who have lived here for quite some time, have been great. I am staying with Don, whose family went home just after the quake. He has been here, driving the makeshift ambulance since then. He has opened his home to us ... And, I owe this family a huge care package in the future.
Hmm, I haven't talked about myself much ... But I am okay. Overwhelmed at times, tired at others. However, I am honored to be able to come and serve as the hands and feet of Jesus. I need to sleep more. Pray too. But, no complaints.
As I am unable to get on our last chartered flight home, I am not sure how this is going to work. Really, I could stay indefinitely as there is no shortage of tasks to do or people to help.
Well, the 4 am preacher just started. Perhaps I'll see what he has to say on his loudspeaker this morning.
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